MUM

-JOYCE L. RUELO

              It was blurry, dark and cold room and the ticking of the clock is the only thing that you can hear. Until the door open widely, and the image of a woman that is in middle age appear, it is my mum. The best thing that ever happened to me.

                  ”Come with me darling, I have something for you,” she said while extending her hand to me.

                  “Five more minutes mum, I just really want to sleep today,” I replied in half awake state.

KRRRRRIINNNG! KRRRRRIIINNNG! (Sounds of the alarm)

                 It is time for school again. While I was brushing my hair, the only thing that’s been running on my mind is that, “I need to wear my make up and put my mask on.” As I go to school, I greeted everyone with my fully wide smile and eyes wide open, everyone was busy doing their business and you can hear the voices of the teenagers laughing out loud. You can see some girls who are busy making their face as their own colouring book. But my eyes got stuck when it reach the corner of a guy with my same age. It was Ian, he still got that cold aura, ripped jeans and a bonnet with his emo hair, and ever since our elementary days he never laugh or even smile a bit. They say that Ian is not just a normal student, everyone is avoiding him because they think they will be killed when they come near him. Even teachers are afraid too. But I came back to my senses when someone tap my shoulder, it was Sheena, my best friend.

                “Hey why are you staring at Ian?” she said while raising one of her fake eyebrows.

                 “Me? Nah, I’m not staring at him.” I replied.

                “Okay, just do not stare at him, or else you will die,” she said and came back to her business.

                 I really don’t get it when they say that Ian is a killer, when all I see is a normal student. As soon as I reach the exit gate of our school the sky gets dark preparing to pour all the water it has inside. Everyone is in a hurry while I am here enjoying every raindrops of it, listening to its own music and feeling the sadness it has. It was so relaxing and I am here wishing that I am a rain too, if it is going to rain, it will rain regardless of what other people might say. I came back to reality when I hear my phone ring, it is my uncle. I think they need money again, that is why they need me now after they put my dad into jail. After what happened to us, I promise to myself that they will never receive any help from me, from us. So I let it ring until it stop and take my way home.

                  As soon as I get to our house, I look for my mum immediately. But unfortunately she was not home yet. I turn on all the lights and cook our favourite dinner. I am going to surprise her. After I prepare our dinner I wait patiently. So I decided to watch movies to keep myself awake until mum got home.

                Is that chirping of birds? Why is it so bright? I decided to open my eyes and I got shocked, it is already morning? Where is mum?  I searched everywhere, on her room, on the kitchen, I even knocked on the bathroom but she was not there, but something caught my attention the dinner I prepared last night vanished. Until I saw a piece of paper and read.

Darling,

I really appreciate the dinner last night. I’m sorry that you’ve waited too long and I decided

not  to wake you up, it seems that you are so tired. I prepare your breakfast, it’s on the microwave,

just heat it up again. Let’s eat later. I’ll get you after school at 5 o’clock. I love you.

                 She herself is such a blessing, and I’m so grateful to have a mom like her. I get my phone to text her but when I saw the time, It’s already 7:04, I’m already late. I need to hurry. I just wash my hair and brush my teeth and wear my uniform and run as fast as I can. But suddenly, someone block my way. Ouch it really hurts, wrong timing. I immediately look at my knees and toes to check if they are okay. I just got some bruises.

                 ”I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he said while extending his hand to me.

               “Next time don’t block someone’s way,” I replied while still checking myself if I’m okay,

When I was about to look to the guy who bump at m— THIS ISN’T HAPPENING. It- it’s Ian. I’m dead, I need to escape from him. I run as fast as I could, thankfully our professor wasn’t there. And I sat immediately besides Sheena’s chair.

               “What happened? Why do you look like a pale tomato?” Sheena said while holding my face.

               ” I’m going to die, I’m going to die,” I replied with a fully wide smile.

               “Huh? Wait, what happen?” she said.

               “This morning, I bumped in to him,” I replied with an awkward smile.

               “Oh my fucking gosh, I think you are in trouble,”

               “I know, I’m not scared. It’s just so strange, I did not saw him coming in my way,” I replied with wondering tone.

               “Hey!”

               I know that voice, its- its him, I’m sure. I turn my head around to check if I’m right. A band aid? He is really giving me a band aid.

             “Oh thank you, and I forgot to say I’m sorry,” I replied while receiving the band aid.

               After giving the band aid he vanished quickly. So weird ‘cause his face is turning red. Why is that? Huh, the good thing is he isn’t that bad. This band aid serves as the proof of his kindness that he hides. Someone steal the band aid in my hands, when I turn around, it was Sheena.

               “Why did you still accept it? He is a killer,” she said with a loud voice.

               “But it is just what other people’s belief, for me he is good. I don’t want to judge him quickly. In fact, I want to know him. I want to know the real Ian,” I replied with convincing tone.

               “I already warned you Halsey,” she said then turn around and put her earphones again.

I expected that kind of reaction from Sheena, I know that she just care. But I just want him to give a chance. I don’t want to be like them that decided to judge before knowing the good side of the person. I want to be his friend. I think our personality will fit together.

KRRRRIIIING KRRRRIIINGG! (Bell ringing)

               It’s already time, I need to hurry. I have a date with my mum. When I was about to go to our classroom’s door Sheena block my way. This girl is really a walking headache.

               “Where are you going?” she said.

               “I have a date with mum,” I replied then start to get my way to mum.

               Sheena was shouting something but I didn’t really pay attention on what she was saying. I think it is just another rant of her problem. All I want is to see my mum, I really miss her. With such a good timing, it is raining. Everyone is running, while I’m here enjoying every bit of it. Wait, what? The rain suddenly stops.

                “You will be sick if you always do that, here use my umbrella,” a familiar voice whispered in my ears.

               “No, I’m okay. It is more relaxing here, and don’t worry I’m healthy,” I replied with a smile.

When I was about to turn my head around, to check who is the Good Samaritan that offering a help. My feet were nailed on where I stand. It was him, again.

               “Okay, just use my umbrella or else I’ll drive you home. Choose now.” He said while handling to me the umbrella.

              Wait, what? He-he will drive me home? Oh my f*cking gosh. Hey! Halsey come back to your senses, you have a dinner with your mum.

               “I already said that I’m okay. Besides we are not even friends, and also I have a dinner with my mum,” I replied with a high pitch tone. And walk my way home.

               I received a text message from my mum, she had an emergency meeting. And she will be home late again.

I think I just got used to this kind of situation, from my childhood until now my parents were always busy. I grew up lonely and alone. So that is why I am not into social gatherings. I enjoyed staying here in our house and watch some movies. I do not like a lot of people got into my life. I want to stay private when it comes to my family.

               Our house is dark again, thankfully that Ian stop from following me. He is so weird. I change my clothes immediately as soon as I got into my room. And turn my laptop on, I need a channel to release the pain that I am feeling right now, and I think watching movie is really helpful. As I was browsing the internet, what Ian did a while ago is really weird, but I don’t want to give it a meaning and I don’t want to assume that he has a crush on me.

“Wait Halsey, what? What did you said? Crush? Stop that nonsense, I thought you don’t want that ‘love’ to happen in your life,” I whispered while convincing myself that what Ian did is just pure help, no feelings attach.

I don’t know how I fell asleep but, I got awaken because someone is caressing my hair. I opened my eyes and realized that it was my mum.

“Oh mum, when did you got home?” I said while still scratching my eyes.

“Halsey, I need to tell you something,” she said while smiling.

I tried to listen to what she wants to say but my eyes suddenly felt heavy until I fell asleep, again.

It is morning again, thankfully I have a lot of time to rest. It’s Saturday and luckily we don’t have Saturday class for the whole month. As usual, mum is in her office. I am home alone. But unfortunately, Sheena is inviting me to a party, she really think that I will go to her friend’s party. Yeah, she is my friend but I really want to rest today and besides she already know what I like and what I dislike. I just replied that I don’t want to come outside and I’m not the mood right now.

I just spend my whole Saturday playing video games and watching movies, this is what ‘rest day’ should be.When the clock strikes to 6 pm, I prepared our dinner immediately. I am going to surprise mum for the second time around and I want this one to be successful.

I turn off all the lights, when I hear mum’s car coming. The excitement cannot be hidden in my heart right now. When the door open and she push the on button of the lights. Her eyes got widened on what she saw. She was amazed and I am so happy.

“Mum, let’s eat together this time,” I said while smiling.

“Thank you for preparing our dinner darling,” she said while holding my hands.

“Is that a tears? Why are you crying mum?” I said with wondering tone.

“I’m just thankful to have a daughter like you, I am sorry that I le-,”

“It’s okay mum. I love you. Let’s eat.” I replied and start to eat.

Our dinner was filled with laughter, it’s great to have someone who will listen to all your stories, and I am very glad that mum is one of that ‘someone’. I decided to go to my room because mum insisted that she will be the one to wash our plate, and she even let me sleep early.

“Halsey, lets go shopping tomorrow,” mum said while opening the door of my room.

“Shopping? Yes mum, I want to buy something for Sheena’s birthday tomorrow,” I said while searching for my laptop.

“Okay, sleep now darling,” she said while closing the door of my room.

I was greeted by a sunny and warm morning with soothing wind that is embracing my soul. It is so relaxing.

“Good morning, darling. Lets go and have some breakfast,” mum said while smiling at me.

“Good morning mum, okay I’ll go downstairs just give me five more minutes,” I replied then search for my slippers.

We already ate our breakfast and I’m here finding the best outfit I could ever wear. Mum is helping me a while ago but she had to make a call. Okay everything is all set now. I am here at our car waiting for mum to come so that we can go and get to buy our clothes. Wait, is that Ian? What is he doing here? Wait what is he doing now? giving foods to the beggar? He is really kind, is that the killer that they are saying. I can’t even imagine that can commit murder.        

               “Who are you looking at darling?” Mum said.

               “No, nothing mum,”

               “Are you sure darling, Is he your crush?” she said while pointing his index finger to Ian.

               “Huh? Crush? Nooo. He isn’t my type mum,” I replied with a high pitch tone trying to convince her.

               “Okay, lets go.”

               Ian isn’t my type, I just find him kind but he isn’t my crush. Yeah, he is just kind, no feelings attached. It has been a long ride until we reach our destination. Right now we are here at the boutique looking for dresses because Sheena loves to wear dress. It’s just strange that everyone was looking at me and mum. And some are murmuring, this is the reason why I don’t want to go anywhere and I just want to stay at home only. Some people are laughing and looking at us as if we are crazy. This is so weird. After we found the dress for Sheena we decided to eat. We got into the restaurant. And I gave my order.

               “What do I want to eat? Oh I want this lasagna with pepper mint, mum what do you want to eat?” I said while handing her the menu.

               “Me, I want this pork belly and cordon blue,” she said while returning the menu.

               When I look at the waiter he is very pale and you can notice that his knees are trembling, I don’t know what happened to him and then he immediately walk away after he list all of our orders. I checked my phone while waiting for our order and then Sheena’s name pop up, she texted me

               Sheena: Come to my house at 6 pm, someone wants to know you.

               She’s going to set me up again to a blind date. I know it is one of her friends. While I’m busy checking my phone, I noticed that all the waiters and waitresses of the restaurant is staring at me and they are looking at me as if I were a crazy girl. I know I look like crazy, when will I get free from this judgmental society. I patiently wait for my order to come but when the waiter approach me I noticed that my order is not complete. My mums order isn’t there.

               “I’m sorry but I think we have a pork belly and cordon blue, why is it lasagna only?” I said.

               “Ma’am this is the only order that you said,” he said.

               “Huh? No my mum also ordered other meals, right mum?”

               “I’m sorry ma’am but this is the only order that was listed,”

               Wait? What the f*ck. What kind of restaurant is this? This isn’t the services of the five star restaurants that I’ve expected.

               “So are you saying that I’m lying? What will my mum going to do? She’s just going to stare at me while I’m eating? What kind of five star restaurant are you,” I said with an insulting voice.

               “Darling, stop it’s okay lets just move to another restaurant,” mum said with begging eyes.

               Mum is really a peacemaker. She holds my hand and get me out of the restaurant. That restaurant are getting into my nerve. I don’t care if all of them are staring at me as long as I’ve said what I wanted to say. Their restaurant deserves nothing but hate. So we decided to go home after the incidence in the restaurant. As soon as we reach the house I immediately go into my room and sleep. I am sure that mum will scold at me after what happened.

               I am waiting for mum to speak when he come to my room, but fortunately I never heard any word. Maybe she is thinking that I am sleeping. Wait? What is she doing, why is she crying while holding my hands? What happen? I didn’t open my eyes, I am waiting for her to speak. I don’t know what is happening with my mum.

               “I’m sorry darling, I’m sorry for what happened earlier,” she said while crying

               Why is she saying sorry? That’s not her fault. 

               “I’m sorry that I le- ,” I wanted to listen to what is she saying but my eyes felt heavy.

                I woke up at the wrong side of the bed, I don’t know why my head really hurts “Hachuuu!” Oh my, now I already know why my head hurts, such a bad timing. Still I need to go to school, thankfully I woke up early today. What I really hate about school is that you need to wake up early. You need to wear complete uniform and you also need to compete and play a good student role. I bought some medicines before going to school, but when I got into my armchair there is a medicine, at first I thought it was from Sheena but she said, it isn’t. So I decided to put it into the trashcan. After our last subject I decided to go home, but it’s raining cats and dogs so I decided to wait for it to stop.

               “Hachuuuuu!” I think I need to go home now.

               “I already told you that you will be sick if you always let yourself enjoy the rain, sometimes it is much better if you just watch it,” he said while giving me a jacket.

               I wanted to tell him that I don’t need his opinion but everything went black, and the last thing I remembered is that someone is carrying, in fairness he smells so good, very masculine. I came back to my senses when I heard someone is coming into my room. It was him, Ian.

               “Why are you here in my room?” I said with a wondering face.

               White wallpaper, black tables and clean room? This isn’t my room. Wait? If I am not in my room right now

               “WAAAAAAAAAH WHAT DID YOU DO TO MEEE?” I shouted.

               I don’t want to die early, what will happen to my mum. She will surely miss me.

               “Hey calm down, don’t panic,” he said while holding my hands.

               What is he doing? Why is he holding my hands? No, don’t I’m easy to get, why am I blushing. Go back to your senses Halsey. You need to escape in here. He will kill you.

               “I want to go home,” I tried to stand up but I can’t. I really felt weak.

               “See, how are you going to get home if you can’t even stand? I know that everyone is scared with me, and I know also that right now you are thinking that I will kill you. It was just a wrong assumptions. I never killed anyone,” he said while helping me to get back at bed.

               Yeah he has a point, and also on what I saw last time it really convince me that he isn’t a killer. I have to give him a chance. Okay, from now on I will be good at him, I will not judge him quickly.

               “I heard them saying that I’m crazy. It really hurts when everyone is looking at you and murmuring something,” he added.

               Yeah, I can relate. That’s our society right now. Society wherein everyone is a judge. Wrong move and you will be judged. If you’re different, discrimination will be add up to you. Such a lonely place to live.

               “Oh I’m sorry, here eat this it will help you to bring back your strength and feel well,” he said while giving me a chicken soup and a medicine.       

               I just smile a bit. Then he turn around but suddenly he stop.

               “Oh I almost forgot, you can use my sister’s shirts, your clothes are wet,” he said and then leave.

               Okay, I’m convince he is really a good person. Oh the soup isn’t bad huh, it taste good.  After I take my medicine my eyes suddenly felt heavy.

               Why is it so dark? I can’t see anything. I decided to get up to look for Ian because It is so scary, why does it rain so hard, I really hate blackouts, my murmuring stop when  I bumped into a wall, a wall? Why does it fell too? Huh? What kind of wall is this? It’s so heavy.

                                             Oh blackout is over? The room got bright and the darkness that once covered the room vanished, and whaaat the?

               “AAAAAAAHHHHH! WHAAAT ARE YOUU DOING?” I screamed in shocked.

                Why is he on top of me, he- he is the wall that bumped into me? I immediately push him and stand up.

               “I’m sorry, I’m sorry I was about to check you, if you’re okay but you are walking fast that’s why we end up in that position,” he said while

               Awkward atmosphere covered the four corner of the room.

               “I’m sorry, I have phobia with darkness,” I apologize.

               “Ah now I know” he said then chuckles.

               I decided to go home, the rain is over. A night with Ian gave me a lot of realization. I realized that we will miss to see the goodness of a person if we always follow on what society dictates. Ian is such a good person, he is just a victim of wrong assumptions. Yeah, as what they ‘Everyone can see dust unto someone, be the one who finds gold.’ Yeah I will be the one who will find that gold that Ian hides.

               I think mom will worry about me, I forgot to text her. I am practicing my statement to make mum believed that I’m in good hands last night.

               “Halsey, where did you go last night?” mum said.

               Oh yeah as expected, I explained everything to mum. Thankfully she didn’t gave malicious meaning on what happen. I decided to go upstairs. The night flashback in my mind. Ian is such a handsome guy. Wait? What did you say Halsey? Handsome? Come back to your senses. I will remind you that love is not a good thing. Okay, I need to set my priorities again, Ian is not included on my goals.

               When I reached the door of our school room, Ian is looking at me and pointing his finger on the chair beside him. Wait? What does he want? He want me to seat beside him?

               Okay, I decided to seat beside him and smile to him. Everyone is looking at us as if we are crazy. I don’t care on what they think. Even Sheena, don’t want to be with me. I don’t care. She isn’t my real friend, she is a backstabber. She thought that I don’t know everything. She is the one who gave my cell phone number to my uncle just to have money. A traitor has no room in my life.

               What I and Ian did all day is giving information about our family, what we love and what we hate. We are really a comfortable talking to each other. I think we are really compatible.  I have someone whom I can really call as ‘my best friend.’ Every day that is our scenario talking to each other all day, eating in our favourite restaurant, calling each other at midnight. I heard some of our classmates are saying that we are dating when in fact we are not. And besides even if we are dating that has nothing to do with them. As long as I know in my heart that I am not hurting some people’s heart or feelings.

               As days pass by, the feelings develop. I don’t know when or how. One day I woke up I’m in love with Ian. I realize now that you cannot control love to get in my life. So I let it flow, and besides I am enjoying Ian’s company. I already know what he hates and what he loves. He loves me, of course (stop dreaming Halsey) he also loves macaroni and carbonara, he also loves staying at home and he also loves sci-fi movies and romantic movies. What he really hates are rain, coming late and he also hates cockroaches.

               I here at my room waiting for Ian to come over. Today, I will introduce him to mum he is now my boyfriend, yeah I know it was fast but its love. I can’t control it.

               “Darling, I think your visitor is here,” mum shouted.

               I immediately come downstairs and there I saw a man in clean cut hair and white shirt and a jeans, very simple yet so handsome. A handsome man that I really love, man that I want to marry.

               “Where is your mum,” he said.

               “She’s right behind you, come here let’s eat,” I replied and then go to the living room.

               “Your mum isn’t here, are you joking?”  He said.

               “Huh? She’s right behind you,” I replied.

               Why does he think that I’m joking mum is really right beside him. Everything happen according to my plan. Mum is just smiling all the time and she never speaks, I think she’s just so happy that I found someone whom I really love. Even though Ian look at me weirdly all day, I’m still happy. I am able to introduce Ian to my mum as my boyfriend properly.  Ian got to leave early because of his sister.

               I am watching as of now the movie, Me before You with mum. I am waiting for mum to say anything but she doesn’t say any single word. I decided to break the silence that are ruling over us.

               “Are you okay mum?” I said while looking at her.

               Wait, what is that? She has something in her eyes, is that a tears? Why is she crying?

               “Why are you crying mum? What happen?” I said while wiping the tears in her face.

               “Darling, please set me free. I died long ago, you have to let me go. You need to move on,”

               “What are you saying mum, that is not a good joke,” I said while crying.

               “Darling, I died in a car accident five years ago I tried to tell this to you but you are always sleeping and you are always busy,” she said then her clothes changed into bloody dress.

               I don’t know what to say, all I know is that my mum is alive. The tears that I’ve been stopping from falling long time ago starts to flow. I realized that the reason why people looking at us when we are shopping mum’s clothes is that I am not with my mum. I am alone and also the reason why the restaurant only gave carbonara is that I am alone, I am not with my mum.  And also it is the reason why Ian looked at me weirdly a while ago. When my mind starts to realize that everything that mum said is right, she died I ran as fast as I could. I want to talk to Ian. He is the only person that who can help me to calm down right now. I ran and ran until it stop me from crying. My mum did not die, she is alive. She is alive here in my heart, I can’t believe it, and everything was so realistic. The midnight snack, the chit chats that we shared, the late night movies it was so realistic. My mind is rejecting the idea that mum died long ago. I know someone who can help me to clear everything.

(Phone dialling)

 “Hello? Uncle is that true that mum died five years ago?” I said while crying.

“I’m sorry Halsey but you need to move on. The reason why I’m calling you is to check you if you are okay. Elise, died five years ago in a car accident,” he said.

My heart starts to cry. I end my call. It is raining again, but the feeling it gives is pure sadness. I think it’s nature’s own way to sympathize on what I am feeling right now. I start to look at the sky and start to ask God. I’ve never been a bad person, I never hurt anyone, I’ve been a good a person but why is it happening to me? I tried to fight the sadness that I am feeling, I tried to fight the heaviness of my eyes just to keep me awake but everything went black. Did I die? Oh If I am really dead right now, I will be grateful. I will be with my mum, I know that Ian will be okay if I left him.

What is that sound? Where is that coming from? The sound of a chainsaw are ruling over the four sided room. Oh I’m not dead, I decided to open my eyes but the image of a man holding a chainsaw with a knife while smiling sweetly greeted me.

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